ok. this will take a bit of a set up. beginning the summer after i graduated hs, i worked days at united national bank, stark county's only (at the time) home-owned bank, in downtown canton, during the summer, while also doing some life guarding and umpiring youth baseball. first summer i was a gopher, mowing lots the bank owned, painting parking lots, etc, then became a messenger where i went around to the various branches and picked up checks to be processed, then took them at the end of the day up to the fed reserve bank in cleveland (where one marion motley worked... different story). that was a fun job... got to talk to all the tellers a couple times a day, in short enough bursts where they still thought i was entertaining and definitely more interesting than the majority of clientele.
but being the college kid who only worked summers also got me stuck doing lots of other things, which included duties for unb's entry in the annual hof parade. back in the 70s/80s, it was much more informal and much less corporate/nfl inc influenced than it is today. the parade route went thru downtown and thru some neighborhoods, ending at the hof building. the route was the scene for lots and lots of partying thru the night on the eve of the parade. one year i had to dress up as a clown. another i was dressed up as a clown, driving a lawn tractor toting a trailer as a pooper scooper behind the stark county horse patrol guys. that was entertaining.
and in the summer of '78, i got tabbed to dress in a gorilla costume and ride in a convertible, as a character from a local amusement park called geauga lake. when we got to the starting point for the parade, i discovered that 1. it was already 75 degrees at 7 am. not a good sign for spending what would end up being about 4 hours in a gorilla suit, and 2. that chuck connors was the grand marshall that year. i found out because when he arrived, it was pretty obvious that he'd been partying all night and hadn't gotten much, if any, sleep. 'hey, gorilla', he yelled at me, walking up to me, 'are you in this parade?' i was told not to talk while i was in 'character' in the suit, so i just nodded. he promptly slapped me on the back, knocking me to the ground, proclaiming, 'alright! this is going to be one hell of a day!'. i knew he'd played in the majors (later found out he played in the nba too) but didn't realize that he was huge, 6'5 or so, and that swat left a mark. literally. i'm sure i looked like an idiot... a gorilla getting beat up. connors was laughing but he still helped pick me up off the ground.
well, i figured that would be it in terms of my encounters with the rich and famous. i took my seat in the car next to the girl who was dressed as some kind of bear, and prepared to start waving at people. turns out, our car was right behind connors riding in his convertible. remember, it was 75 when we got downtown that morning, and the parade was still pretty informal. connors was in a very jovial mood, and it didn't take too long into the route til a woman walked up to get an autograph. then another, then one asked for a kiss. now, i'm guessing connors was around 60 at the time, which doesn't seem as old now as it did to me at the time when i was 19. why are these women, half his age, wanting to kiss this geezer? didn't they know he'd put me on the ground? couldn't they see when they got up close that his teeth were going in 10 different directions? connors had no intentions of turning any female away, either.
so the first hour was starting and stopping, as connors encountered his fans. by that point, we'd lost touch with the parade. soon we were a quarter mile (according to one of the officials) behind. they didn't want to tick him off, so they kind of rolled with it, and told us that when connors stops his car, feel free to get out and talk with some of the crowd if you want to. diana-the bear-had no intentions of interacting with anyone. she was about to pass out from the heat. i wasn't feeling that great either, but i'd had enough of sitting. so, as connors did his smooching, i climbed out and walked over to some folks in the neighborhood along fulton rd. lots of families there, and lots of people whose parties started the night before were still going strong. the one thing i hadn't thought about was thirst, and a mom offered me a small glass of water. remembering the character thing, i got down on the ground and poured it into the screen at the front of the gorilla suit head. my intent was to drink what i could and whatever didn't hit my mouth was just cool off my head, but apparently i was inadvertently entertaining.
another guy then runs into a house and comes out with a banana. well i couldn't turn that down so i peeled it completely and then slipped it under the costume head. now a mom wants me to say hi to her little boy. so i get on my knees and offer to silently shake his hand. that didn't work. he starts screaming and runs away into a house. which gets connors' attention, and he yells 'hey gorilla. stop scaring the kids!' now everybody's laughing. and the cars are starting to move again, so i start angling over to get back in. the guy who gave me the banana reaches out to shake my hand, holding a hidden cold can of budweiser. 'you're going to need this' he said, leaning into my gorilla ears. i nodded and took the can w/me into the car. i'm sure everyone over on that side of the street saw it. you couldn't do that today. but i had no problem putting the can inside my suit, getting one arm loose inside, and downing that thing quick.
by the time we reached the end, it was 87 degrees. felt like 187. i didn't have the chance to get any more refreshments along the parade route, and i never saw connors again after he got out of his car. i had free tickets to go to the enshrinement ceremony but instead i went straight to the pool and fell in.
Jan 13, 2020 17:38:49 GMT -5
May 1, 2022 14:04:40 GMT -5
