WEEK ONE -- Gentlemen (and Ladies), start your engines...
Aug 29, 2016 14:37:57 GMT -5
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Post by trnyerheadncough on Aug 29, 2016 14:37:57 GMT -5
Ooh lawd, attention sports fans. Yes, here we are again. Game week. I trust everyone has worked themselves to a fevered pitch and is moist with excitement of another season to see who wins the coveted….Elizabeth. Or, if one of our female participants wins, a coveted…whoever.
We have 15 games on the slate this week. Our normal weeks will probably top out at 12, but on special weeks, and this here be a special week…we’ll push it to as many as necessary to generate excitement.
Oh…and new game this year. Instead of picking the movie, I’ll give a series of lines, and the trick is to name the next line. Tougher game if you avoid Google. I’ll pitch you a softball for week 1, so everyone can get in the groove…but after this, you’ll have your work cut out. Good luck, all.
“So I jump ship in Hong Kong and I make my way over to Tibet, and I get on as a looper at a course over in the Himalayas.”
“A looper?”
“A looper, you know, a caddy, a looper, a jock. So, I tell them I'm a pro jock, and who do you think they give me? The Dalai Lama, himself. Twelfth son of the Lama. The flowing robes, the grace, bald... striking. So, I'm on the first tee with him. I give him the driver. He hauls off and whacks one - big hitter, the Lama - long, into a ten-thousand foot crevasse, right at the base of this glacier. Do you know what the Lama says?”
“No.”
“’Gunga galunga... gunga, gunga-lagunga.’ So we finish the eighteenth and he's gonna stiff me. And I say, ‘Hey, Lama, hey, how about a little something, you know, for the effort, you know.’ And he says, ‘Oh, uh, there won't be any money, but when you die, on your deathbed, you will receive total consciousness………..’"
We got games every day from Thursday through Monday. Find a comfy spot on the couch with your pilsner and your corn nuts, and your remote control picture in picture ready. And tell the significant other to handle all the chores because you’ll be busy chasing history…
THURSDAY GAMES
South Kackalacky +3 ½ @ Vandy. Vandy is favored??? Dogs and cats….living together…MASS HYSTERIA! Gamecocks.
Oregon State +13 at Minnesota. A little less than 2 touchdowns. Hmm…a lot of points. But Oregon State was not good last year, although a lot of it was because of youth and inexperience. Oregon State should be better this year, but will they be that much better this year? Minnesota only beat 1 squad last year by more than 13 points, and that was Purdue. What the hell, I like Beaver.
FRIDAY GAME
Kansas State +15 ½ @ Stanford. A little more than 2 touchdowns is a lot of points. Probably not enough, but I’m going to take the two touchdowns and expect Stanford to just grind it out, and the Wildcats do just enough to sneak in a backdoor cover. Wildcats
SATURDAY GAMES Hang on to your hats…
Georgia Tech -3 ½ @ Boston College. Georgia Tech was not good last year, and Boston College wasn’t either. BC lost the best part of the coaching staff (even though I like Addazio), when their defensive coordinator left to take a better job. GT still has Justin Thomas, and I like them to get it done up in Boston. Wasps. This game starts at 7:30 a.m., so make your coffee.
Mizzou +9 ½ @ West By God Virginia. Stout defense versus high powered offense. Usually defense is a little further ahead of the game at this point in the season, and although I like the ‘Eers to win, I think Mizzou does enough to keep it close.
Clemson -7 ½ @ Auburn. One of the big blockbusters that is being talked about. Deshaun Watson, preseason frontrunner for the Heisman goes on to the Plains to take on an Auburn team that really is still looking for an identity. Last year, Clemson played most of its road games pretty tight, but that was last year. I think Clemson is way too good on offense this year to keep this one close, even though the Auburn version of the Tigers will ride the crowd momentum early. Clemson
UCLA +3 @ Texas A&M. I’ve never been impressed with UCLA, although they have a good quarterback in Rosen, but they are replacing over half the offensive line. TAMU started out the year in a shambles, but seems to have pulled it together with the addition of Knight. Home team gets it done. Aggies.
Rutgers +26 @ Washington. Another year, another game where Rutgers gets a shitload of points as an underdog, but still make the list. Washington is being whispered about as one of them good teams from out on the west coast. Still….nearly 4 touchdowns? Man…that’s a ton of point. Eh…pray for the backdoor cover. Rutgers.
LSU -10 v. Wisky. Excitement at Lllllllambeau Field. Who runs better? Who stops the run better? Can Harris complete a forward pass? Yeah, I think enough. Tigers.
UNC +3 v. UGA. Game is a neutral site. No doubt the crowd will be divided 50/50 when the game is in….Atlanta. I really like UNC’s offense this year, and Chizik has to have done better with the D, right? Kirby Smart is starting out on the big stage, but the Bulldogs have some questions and those runningbacks are still banged up. I’m gonna roll with the ACC brothers here, and the 3 points help. Tar Heels.
Oklahoma -10 v. Houston. Another neutral site game located smack dab in the middle of the two schools in….Houston. Wait…uh…nevermind. You know, if Oklahoma was playing Houston in week 2 as opposed to week 1, I might pick Houston to win outright. But the Cougars aren’t sneaking up on anyone this year, and they’ve been pimped as the party crasher from outside the power 5. Oklahoma has a good signal caller, and are much more talented than Houston. I think the Sooners roll into this game ready to make a statement. Sooners.
Southern California +10 ½ v. Alabama. And another neutral site game…this time in Arlington. Alabama is numero uno. Southern Cal isn’t. I like some of the talent on the Trojans, but they don’t have the horses to compete in this game. I also think Helton is in over his head. Still….ten and a half is a handful, but I don’t think it’ll be enough. Tide.
BYU +1 @ Arizona. The Mormons take the gridiron again, but this time, without Bronco Mendenhall roaming the sidelines. They do have Taysom Hill, who is entering his 17th season as the Cougar’s starting quarterback. The Cougars should be able to run it. They went 6-1 last year when they were able to run for more than 100 yards…the only loss was 24-23 to UCLA. I think BYU is going to win, and since you have to score 1 more point at least to win the game, gimme the Older Women Who Like Younger Men.
SUNDAY GAME
Notre Dame -3 ½ @ Tejas. I like the Shorthorns to be improved this year, as Strong went out and got him a pretty good offensive mind to help score the points this year. But Notre Dame should be pretty stout. That half point is scaring me some, but I’ll go with the Domers.
MONDAY GAME
Ole Miss +4 ½ v. Florida State. And for our finale this fine football weekend, this gem. FSU with national title hopes bring a stout defense and 11 returning starters on offense to Orlando in another completely, totally, neutral site game. Ole Miss’ ace in the hole can be summed up in two words…Chad Kelly. If he flounders, FSU spanks the Rebs. If he plays well, it’ll be a helluva matchup. Even though FSU is bringing a new talented quarterback in Deondre Francois to run the show, expect a steady dose of Dalvin Cook, who is as good as anyone playing college football right now. You know me…I don’t pick against my boys. Seminoles in a rout.
We have 15 games on the slate this week. Our normal weeks will probably top out at 12, but on special weeks, and this here be a special week…we’ll push it to as many as necessary to generate excitement.
Oh…and new game this year. Instead of picking the movie, I’ll give a series of lines, and the trick is to name the next line. Tougher game if you avoid Google. I’ll pitch you a softball for week 1, so everyone can get in the groove…but after this, you’ll have your work cut out. Good luck, all.
“So I jump ship in Hong Kong and I make my way over to Tibet, and I get on as a looper at a course over in the Himalayas.”
“A looper?”
“A looper, you know, a caddy, a looper, a jock. So, I tell them I'm a pro jock, and who do you think they give me? The Dalai Lama, himself. Twelfth son of the Lama. The flowing robes, the grace, bald... striking. So, I'm on the first tee with him. I give him the driver. He hauls off and whacks one - big hitter, the Lama - long, into a ten-thousand foot crevasse, right at the base of this glacier. Do you know what the Lama says?”
“No.”
“’Gunga galunga... gunga, gunga-lagunga.’ So we finish the eighteenth and he's gonna stiff me. And I say, ‘Hey, Lama, hey, how about a little something, you know, for the effort, you know.’ And he says, ‘Oh, uh, there won't be any money, but when you die, on your deathbed, you will receive total consciousness………..’"
We got games every day from Thursday through Monday. Find a comfy spot on the couch with your pilsner and your corn nuts, and your remote control picture in picture ready. And tell the significant other to handle all the chores because you’ll be busy chasing history…
THURSDAY GAMES
South Kackalacky +3 ½ @ Vandy. Vandy is favored??? Dogs and cats….living together…MASS HYSTERIA! Gamecocks.
Oregon State +13 at Minnesota. A little less than 2 touchdowns. Hmm…a lot of points. But Oregon State was not good last year, although a lot of it was because of youth and inexperience. Oregon State should be better this year, but will they be that much better this year? Minnesota only beat 1 squad last year by more than 13 points, and that was Purdue. What the hell, I like Beaver.
FRIDAY GAME
Kansas State +15 ½ @ Stanford. A little more than 2 touchdowns is a lot of points. Probably not enough, but I’m going to take the two touchdowns and expect Stanford to just grind it out, and the Wildcats do just enough to sneak in a backdoor cover. Wildcats
SATURDAY GAMES Hang on to your hats…
Georgia Tech -3 ½ @ Boston College. Georgia Tech was not good last year, and Boston College wasn’t either. BC lost the best part of the coaching staff (even though I like Addazio), when their defensive coordinator left to take a better job. GT still has Justin Thomas, and I like them to get it done up in Boston. Wasps. This game starts at 7:30 a.m., so make your coffee.
Mizzou +9 ½ @ West By God Virginia. Stout defense versus high powered offense. Usually defense is a little further ahead of the game at this point in the season, and although I like the ‘Eers to win, I think Mizzou does enough to keep it close.
Clemson -7 ½ @ Auburn. One of the big blockbusters that is being talked about. Deshaun Watson, preseason frontrunner for the Heisman goes on to the Plains to take on an Auburn team that really is still looking for an identity. Last year, Clemson played most of its road games pretty tight, but that was last year. I think Clemson is way too good on offense this year to keep this one close, even though the Auburn version of the Tigers will ride the crowd momentum early. Clemson
UCLA +3 @ Texas A&M. I’ve never been impressed with UCLA, although they have a good quarterback in Rosen, but they are replacing over half the offensive line. TAMU started out the year in a shambles, but seems to have pulled it together with the addition of Knight. Home team gets it done. Aggies.
Rutgers +26 @ Washington. Another year, another game where Rutgers gets a shitload of points as an underdog, but still make the list. Washington is being whispered about as one of them good teams from out on the west coast. Still….nearly 4 touchdowns? Man…that’s a ton of point. Eh…pray for the backdoor cover. Rutgers.
LSU -10 v. Wisky. Excitement at Lllllllambeau Field. Who runs better? Who stops the run better? Can Harris complete a forward pass? Yeah, I think enough. Tigers.
UNC +3 v. UGA. Game is a neutral site. No doubt the crowd will be divided 50/50 when the game is in….Atlanta. I really like UNC’s offense this year, and Chizik has to have done better with the D, right? Kirby Smart is starting out on the big stage, but the Bulldogs have some questions and those runningbacks are still banged up. I’m gonna roll with the ACC brothers here, and the 3 points help. Tar Heels.
Oklahoma -10 v. Houston. Another neutral site game located smack dab in the middle of the two schools in….Houston. Wait…uh…nevermind. You know, if Oklahoma was playing Houston in week 2 as opposed to week 1, I might pick Houston to win outright. But the Cougars aren’t sneaking up on anyone this year, and they’ve been pimped as the party crasher from outside the power 5. Oklahoma has a good signal caller, and are much more talented than Houston. I think the Sooners roll into this game ready to make a statement. Sooners.
Southern California +10 ½ v. Alabama. And another neutral site game…this time in Arlington. Alabama is numero uno. Southern Cal isn’t. I like some of the talent on the Trojans, but they don’t have the horses to compete in this game. I also think Helton is in over his head. Still….ten and a half is a handful, but I don’t think it’ll be enough. Tide.
BYU +1 @ Arizona. The Mormons take the gridiron again, but this time, without Bronco Mendenhall roaming the sidelines. They do have Taysom Hill, who is entering his 17th season as the Cougar’s starting quarterback. The Cougars should be able to run it. They went 6-1 last year when they were able to run for more than 100 yards…the only loss was 24-23 to UCLA. I think BYU is going to win, and since you have to score 1 more point at least to win the game, gimme the Older Women Who Like Younger Men.
SUNDAY GAME
Notre Dame -3 ½ @ Tejas. I like the Shorthorns to be improved this year, as Strong went out and got him a pretty good offensive mind to help score the points this year. But Notre Dame should be pretty stout. That half point is scaring me some, but I’ll go with the Domers.
MONDAY GAME
Ole Miss +4 ½ v. Florida State. And for our finale this fine football weekend, this gem. FSU with national title hopes bring a stout defense and 11 returning starters on offense to Orlando in another completely, totally, neutral site game. Ole Miss’ ace in the hole can be summed up in two words…Chad Kelly. If he flounders, FSU spanks the Rebs. If he plays well, it’ll be a helluva matchup. Even though FSU is bringing a new talented quarterback in Deondre Francois to run the show, expect a steady dose of Dalvin Cook, who is as good as anyone playing college football right now. You know me…I don’t pick against my boys. Seminoles in a rout.
